Difficulty Levels
by Star Tours Traveler
Summary: While waiting between battles in the Nexus, Raynor, Rehgar, Uther, and Kerrigan discuss an implied double meaning behind the Difficulty Level Tooltip. Oneshot. Implied pairings. Rated accordingly due to implications and references to sex.


**Summary:** While waiting between battles in the Nexus, Raynor, Rehgar, Uther, and Kerrigan discuss an implied double meaning behind the Difficulty Level Tooltip. Oneshot. Implied pairings. Rated accordingly due to implications and references to sex.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing! Everything is owned by Blizzard.

 **A/N:** I got to thinking while looking at the roster of heroes and noticing the difficulty levels of the individual characters and got to wondering what else the difficulty level could imply. My thoughts spilled into this story. It's just a oneshot so don't go assuming this is the start of a long and lengthy story series.

* * *

 **Stormbrew Tavern…**

Stormbrew was a tavern in the Nexus where all of the Heroes of the Storm had the option of going to wait out the time between matches. It resembled one of Azeroth's many Inns but had a few furnishings from the Koprulu Sector and Sanctuary. The heroes were scattered around the room. Arthas, Kael'thas, Diablo, and Azmodan were arguing over who would get the big comfy chair for their "throne." The Lost Vikings, Muradin, Sonia, Tychus, and Falstead were having a drinking contest at the bar under Chen's supervision. Jaina, Valla, Li Li, and Sgt. Hammer (sans her Siege Tank), were sitting in a corner booth, discussing Nexus knows what. Malfurion and Illidan were playing Hearthstone while Tyrande sat between them, observing the game. Stitches had been banned from the tavern by unanimous vote from the rest of the Heroes since his foul stench offended everyone, including Sylvanas. Anub'arak had similarly been banned for accidently causing an insect infestation that took Gazlowe far too long to clean out. Gazlowe himself was outside, tuning up Hammer's Siege Tank. Brightwing was curled up on a beam overhead, fast asleep along with Murky. Nazeebo, Tassadar, Zeratul, and Thrall were having a friendly discussion, discussing the problems plaguing their respective worlds such as Demons for both Azeroth and Sanctuary and the Zerg Swarms for the Koprulu Sector. Tyrael was keeping a wary eye on Diablo and Azmodan while Abathur and Zagara quietly sat dreaming up new strains of Zerg for their eventual return to the Koprulu Sector. The only Heroes not accounted for were Nova, Sylvanas, and the Elite Tauren Chieftain.

Sitting at a table in a corner was James Raynor, Uther the Lightbringer, Sarah Kerrigan, and Rehgar Earthfury, the four sitting back and relaxing over a pint of ale. Raynor wasn't in his bulky Terran Marine Armor and was smoking a cigar.

"Mmm, they don't make booze like this where I come from." Raynor complimented.

"Courtesy of Brewmaster Stormstout's private stash." Uther commented, wiping his mouth with a cloth napkin. Rehgar then let out a loud belch, annoying the human Paladin.

"Must your kind be so impolite at the table?" Uther asked as Rehgar scowled towards him.

"Human filth." Rehgar grumbled, taking another swig.

"You don't hear us making so rude a sound." Uther argued before Kerrigan let out a loud belch of her own, one powerful enough to make her psionic powers flare slightly. This earned her a startled glare from Uther and an amused smirk from Raynor. A couple of the Lost Vikings and Sgt. Hammer were even applauding.

"And you call him impolite." Raynor said to Uther who sighed heavily, burying his head in his hands.

"And I'm a human…sort-of." Kerrigan said, a smug smirk on her face.

"Way I see it, humans and orcs ain't that different from Terran and Protoss." Jim said with a smile.

"It seems a change of subject is called for." Uther said, defeated, as Rehgar grinned.

"Perhaps the Zerg Queen would like to make an alliance with the Horde." Rehgar said, looking towards Kerrigan with a leering gaze. Kerrigan glared at him.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked. Uther was now suspicious of the Orc Shaman.

"We come from different worlds. She can no more assist the Horde or the Alliance if she desired to. Besides, by her own admission, she is a human so her loyalties would be with the Alliance, with her own kind." Uther said as Kerrigan rolled her eyes while Jim face-desked. Twixt all of the Azerothians, Uther and Rehgar were the only ones holding onto the old and bitter hatred between the Humans and Orcs and had been actively trying to recruit the otherworldly heroes to the Alliance or the Horde, respectively. Only Diablo and Azmodan had been flat out opposed by both sides given that one of the few things both sides agreed on was a "No Demons Allowed" policy. All the other Azerothians didn't care or had friends on both sides like Jaina and Thrall's friendship.

"Ex-human, please. I'm mutated by the Zerg and I'm not that easy to win over." Sarah argued.

"You got that right." Jim muttered, his face still against the tabletop.

"I know that. You're Medium." Rehgar said with a toothy grin, earning a confused look from Uther and Kerrigan. Even Jim was looking up suspiciously towards the Shaman.

"I'm…what?" she asked, confused.

"Medium. You're not easy like the Forsaken Queen. Anyone can convince her. If she wasn't undead I'd-." Rehgar said before Jim interrupted.

"Whoa there, little Zerglin'! Are you meanin' to imply that you were hittin' on my girl?" Jim asked.

"Without luck! There are no Orc women here and I'd rather not bed the Undead Elf or any of your human wenches!" Rehgar said as Uther started muttering curses under his breath into his cup, all of them levied towards the Orcs in general.

"So go talk to Zagara. I hear she's always interested in someone to breed with." Kerrigan hissed, offended.

"Can't. She's also a Medium and…(shudder)." Rehgar shuddered.

"What's this talk about Medium?" Jim asked.

"And what about the Panda girl?" Kerrigan asked, causing both Raynor and Uther to look towards her, disgusted.

"Li Li? Naw, don't do that to the kid. She's cute." Raynor said, earning a surprised look from Kerrigan.

"You like the Panda Girl?" Kerrigan asked, curiously as Jim ran a hand over his face with a roll of the eyes and an annoyed sigh.

"Jim Raynor, confirmed as a Furry lover."

Jim spun around towards the wall behind him to see Nova de-cloak while reclining across two mounted boar's heads.

"Nova! Git!" Jim ordered, Nova merely smirking and cloaking.

"You find the Pandaran…arousing?" Uther asked, eyeing Raynor with condemning suspicion.

"No, I said she's cute as in adorable. Like a teddy bear…a chatty teddy bear." Jim argued. Kerrigan gave a nod in slight agreement.

"She's easy. But she's a kid. Not worth your time unless you're into that sort of thing. Wouldn't surprise me from a human." Rehgar commented, Jim wishing he had his sidearm with him at the moment but unfortunately the Nexus forbade fighting and killing outside of the battlefields.

"Shut it you green hobgoblin. And what's this Easy and Medium garbage you keep spoutin'?" Raynor asked.

"I'm curious too." Kerrigan said as she, Uther, and Jim all looked towards the Shaman.

"It's on our rosters! It lists our difficulty. The Nexus grades us on how easy we are to get into bed." Rehgar explained. The three other heroes seemed confused for a moment before Kerrigan seemed to realize what he was referring to.

"You mean our difficulty levels?" she asked.

"Those little judgmental tooltips that list how difficult we are to Master on the battlefield?" Jim asked.

"The one that lists Commander Raynor and I both as 'Easy,' Kerrigan and you as Medium?" Uther asked as Rehgar gave a nod.

"It's not just our difficulty in mastering, but how difficult we are to get into bed." Rehgar explained as Kerrigan scoffed.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If that were the case then Jim and Uther wouldn't be listed as Easy." Kerrigan said matter-of-factly, before noticing Jim and Uther both take large swigs of their drink, Jim rubbing the back of his neck while looking away from Kerrigan, Uther "inconspicuously" counting the number of boards in the ceiling. She immediately narrowed her eyes at the two.

"Jim." She said, her psionic powers flaring.

"Okay so I might've had a fling with a barmaid on Mar Sara. It was during that lull between Brood War and Wings of Liberty." Jim commented defensively.

"Plus there was me during that period after right Ghost got canceled."

"Nova! Git!" Raynor yelled at Nova who was leaning against the table, de-cloaked. Nova merely blew him a kiss before cloaking again.

"Hmph! Seems I'm not so stupid after all." Rehgar commented with a smirk.

"James Eugene Raynor!" Kerrigan growled, her psionics glowing.

"Now hold on, Sarah! Uther here's no bordello fellow." Jim said as Uther gave a stalwart nod.

"I find the implication that, I, Lord Uther the Lightbringer, Paladin of the Order of the Silver Hand, would sullen myself like that, to be very unamusing." Uther declared before suddenly tilting to one side with a startled look on his face.

"Not according to Arthas who has the spirits of a few barmaids in his sword who say otherwise."

"Touch me not, I am chaste!" Uther yelled, blushing furiously, at Nova who de-cloaked, leaning against him.

"Nova! Git!" Jim yelled as Nova cloaked again with a smirk.

"It does make some sense." Kerrigan muttered.

"Ugh. 'Furion's listed as easy." Jim mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"For Tyrande, maybe, but not quite as such for everyone else." Kerrigan corrected.

"What of young Miss Proudmoore? Surly she wouldn't be-...wait, there was that period where she and Arthas traveled together…and she is 'friends' with the Warchief." Uther said, glancing suspiciously over his shoulder towards Thrall who noticed his gaze and furrowed his brow in confusion.

"I understand the hooded Demon Huntress is also rather loose. She and the Betrayer tend to be an item." Rehgar explained as all eyes shifted towards Valla who sat making eyes towards Illidan. Illidan was oblivious due to his blindfold. The fact he was even playing Hearthstone was impressive. Granted some of the cards were played upside-down but still impressive.

"I'm surprised Mr. Findley and the three Vikings are not more amorous." Uther commented.

"Tychus is stuck in that suit with the over-engineered codpiece and the Viking boys are all hitched…faithfully hitched at that." Jim explained.

"What of Miss. Hammer? Surely after being cooped up in that metal monstrosity of hers, she'd be interested in the unchaste pastimes?" Uther asked.

"When you handle a giant cannon like hers all the time, it becomes hard to find a real one to match." Kerrigan said almost suggestively, earning worried looks from Jim, Uther, and Rehgar.

"What?"

"Okay, but what about Li Li?" Jim asked, everyone pausing long enough to look towards the young Pandaran who was busy playing fetch with Brightwing near the door. The four turned away and looked at each other for a moment before…

" **Nah."**

"Then there is the Undead woman." Rehgar commented.

"Okay, we're callin' your bluff on this one Rehgar." Jim said as Kerrigan shrugged.

"I dunno. She puts on a tough attitude but the way she dresses…" Kerrigan said.

"Forget it Sarah, she's a zombie. There's no way that she'd-…" Jim said before spotting something. They all looked towards the stairs and saw Sylvanas and the Elite Tauren Chieftain reaching the bottom landing, the Tauren Chieftain adjusting his fly and Sylvanas running her thumbs around inside the rim of her trousers, making sure they were snug around her hips. The two then walked away from each other as if nothing happened. She spotted the four staring at her and arched an eyebrow.

"I'm undead, not dead." She said simply before walking off. The four turned back towards their table.

"I need a drink." Kerrigan said as she looked towards Chen, signaling for four more drinks.

"I need the same." Uther said.

"Make mine a double." Jim added.

"After that, no one could look at their difficulty levels ever again."

"Nova! Git!"

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 **End**

Hopefully you got a laugh out of this.

Please R&R...


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